distance is but numbers

distance is but numbers
i always tell myself
to disregard the space between us
to kill the longing, the pain
because distance is but numbers

Unearthing Idealism

Idealism: For a long time, I tried to disregard the word and bury it beneath the piles of complaints that I have regarding almost all aspects of my life. One could say that pessimism got the best in me. It engulfed my whole personality. It ate the very essence of human existence: dreaming big, and the pursuit to make it come true.

Someone asked me a few days ago, if I do have dreams of seeing this country prosper. I do. But pessimism just comes around even if unsolicited. With the poignant wish to see this land in its glory comes a thousand and one reasons why it is hard to do so and even a greater number of names to blame for all the miseries. May I say that I am not alone in wishing a better future for the country, and that I am not the only person in this land that has been eaten up by negative thinking.

I have lost track of my vision because of the kind of thinking that I had. I slowly seem to lose grip of my goals while trying to grab dreams that seem easier to achieve. Pessimism took the place of courage. The drive to move slowly decelerated and ceased. With that aspect, one can say that pessimism goes hand in hand with apathy and cowardice.

For so long, I lived with pessimism. But things changed a few days ago after listening to persons who kept the fire of optimism burning. I was moved to junk the negative kind of thinking, trying to replace it with something that I had before: idealism.

Looking back, I realized that pessimism did deprive me a lot of things. I allowed myself to let opportunities pass my way. I allowed myself to just look at things as it unfolds right before my very eyes. But what bothers me the most now is the fact that it is happening to this very country. Pessimism deprives us of chances to make things better for all of us.

Complaints are the visible feedbacks to the chaos that surrounds us. With all these complaints, it is safe to assume that as a nation, we have an idea of the predicaments that we are facing. But awareness is not enough. More so, complaining does not end the sufferings. It adds up, bringing our spirits down with us.

Wouldn’t it be better to be aware, to stop complaining and start moving? Wouldn’t it be better to trace back to the days where we are all idealistic of things? When we had the guts to do what our heart desires? When we all have high hopes that all would end well?

I am slowly clearing the piles that I had made. I am slowly unearthing the idealism that I had buried years ago. I am not done yet, but it made me better. Why don’t you start unearthing yours too?

cross roads

i was at mcdo with RD, happy but confused.
i can say that i am at a crossroad in my life. i think that it is quite early since i haven't finished my studies, but that is how i feel.

now, i feel that all my goals in the past were so practical in such a way that i forgot what i really wanted.

i am reorienting myself, finding the piece of earth that i can call my own. I guess finding a job and earning money isn't a very clear objective.

but whatever my plans would be, i know that my family will be a part of it...

The alchemist

"Yesterday is history;
tomorrow is mysetry;
today is a gift.
That's why it's called the present. "

received a very wonderful book from RD this day. I was expecting a letter because i asked for one. but when we met today, RD handed me a jacket, and asked me to remove it to reveal what is inside...

"THE ALCHEMIST BY PAULO COEHLO
A fable about following your dream

I am not yet done reading the whole thing, but there are many lessons that i have learned form just a part of it. Here are some of the lines that made me think and contemplate on my life:

1. The jacket has a purpose. And so did the boy.

2. It’s the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting.

3. Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how others should lead their lives, but none about his or her own.

4. The world’s greatest lie is the belief in fate controlling our lives.

5. To realize one’s personal legend is a person’s only real obligation

6. If you want something, all the universe conspires in helping to achieve it.

7. In the long run, what other people think becomes more important that the personal legend.

8. There was nothing to hold him back except himself.

9. God has prepared paths for everyone to follow. You just have to read the omens that he has left for you

10. The secret of happiness is to see all the marvels in the world, and never to forget the drops of oil on the spoon.

11. I am like everyone else- I see the world in terms of what I would like to see happen- not what actually does.

12. .. he was happy, aware of what his life was about, and ready to begin a day’s work

13. All things are one.

well, i am trying very well now to live life as it should be.

i implore you to read the book as well. it did a lot to me. i know it will do a lot to you too.

Superfest: Celebrating Pinoy Youth Breakthrough

After a long time of spending my time at home (or my friends’ house), I went out to attend a seminar sponsored by PDI and GMA 7.

I am so bothered. I feel restless. I felt that I found the direction that I was looking for so long.

I spent DOLLARS today.

Yeah. You have read it right. I spent thousands of dollars today, bought properties, etc.

Hehe.

Why? Because today is monopoly day with my high school friends!

Come to think of it, monopoly world is quite queer, especially if you play with us. We kinda modified some rules, and added some of our own.

Well, in our “pirated” monopoly game, there is such a thing as last will. For those who really have to leave, they have to divide the assets to the remaining players…

And no one is allowed to leave without paying all their dues.

In this game, most players wanted to stay in jail. Instead of moving around, with the risk of landing on hotels and monopolized railroads and services, players do opt to stay in jail.

I do hope I have lots of money to do that in real life…

But come to think of it…

I have mykebs.

That is more than enough to make me happy. That is more than having lots of things in the world. Besides, if I do have lots of things, but I don’t have RD, it wouldn’t be as happy…

who you are makes a difference

yeah. tell that to your special someone too.

courtesy of the chicken soup book

i am sick

i do have colds right now, feeling a bit chilly kahit mainit ang panahon. i hate this feeling...

pero somebody called me kanina. that is all there is to it; it made me better...

grrrrr....

I really haven't slept last night because i was too busy installing programs on my PC. I also have to type my sister's papers due the next day. It's ok, though. Many insomniac cyberfriends joined me until the wee hours.

well, was i able to tell you that my dog bit me! A few inches near my groin! I was panicking! PANICKING!!!! Got anti-tetanus shots... well, i think my dog got the idea that he did something wrong because the whole day, he did not approach me.

what a day it was...

we woke up early today. my family decided to go shopping today. the three-day sale will end today, so we took the opportunity to lose some pounds while strolling (or should i say managing to move past the crowd?)

First stop: Jumbo japs. we were truly amazed at the girl outside the store, doing some nice business talk. we were so amazed that we found ourselves walking into the store. The food is nice, i should say. BUT NOT THE SERVICE! my mom just got furious because of the slow service.

And for the first time ever, my brother did not ask for a second serving of rice. He just lost his appetite because of the measly customer treatment we got! One thing is for sure: we will be a Tokyo Tokyo officionado from that moment on! Hmmmp!

After the frustrating incident at Jumbo Japs, we went to the grocery area to grab some home items. On our way inside, this weird girl kept on following us. We thought she is a thief, trying to get hold of my brother's phone. But soon enough, we found out that she's crazy. She kept on following us, calling my mom her mom! Hello?! i wish you should have seen the person. She is way older than my mom. we panicked when she grabbed my mom's arms while we were trying to escape.

we saw this guard and reported the incident to him.

The question still remains: How did that girl get in the mall? She is dirty, with that scary stare.
I was actually thinking that maybe that was a spoof or something. Maybe, wow mali is in sm marilao or something like that.
my siblings were really scared because of what happened. who wouldn't?

we went home, tired and frustrated.
but things are just turning out well for me.

mom and i decided to go back to buy the PC that we saw. haha!

childhood...

well,it has been a long time since i went out with my high school friends. good thing, the group planned a monopoly/card game day at dada's house.

honestly, because it has been a long time (4 years), i forgot the way to dada's house. the only thing that i remembered is that her house is near the huge watertank in the subdivision.
got there safely after finding the huge tank!

many things happened on this day. it seems that we went a bit back our childhood days with all the activities that we did. we only realized that it was night when we went out to take a picture.
childish as we were during that time, we decided to catch fireflies. dada kept on reminding us that fireflies can only be seen on clean surroundings. eric caught one firelfy, but the poor thing managed to escape.

while the others were busy trying to catch the luminous creatures, cathits and i were dumbfounded. we saw this cute falling star. we were able to say a word only after it has vanished.

"Meteor!"

After a few more attempts, we were able to catch another firefly. we placed it in this diskette case.

this day, i felt that i was only a high school student... nothing on my mind except fireflies and meteors, playing games, teasing everyone, posing for photo-ops. The only thing that brought me back to reality is the fact that after the childhood stuffs, i have to go home.
besides, there is someone that i truly miss today. no matter how hard i try not to miss RD, i can't. I just can't.

S-A-L-E!!!

well, me and my siblings planned to go to sm marilao for the three-day sale. we went with our lola who wholeheartedly offer to buy some stuffs for us. hehe

we went to greenwich afterwards to refresh my tired self...

i am living for love

these days, i live for love. mushy as it sounds, these are the days that love matters to me most.

i need to be appreciated, to be accepted, to be loved encompassingly.

more than material things, i aspire for these everyday...

the hundred secret senses by amy tan

i am currently reading the hundred secret senses by amy tan. got strucked by these lines while reading:

Love is tricky. It is never mundane or daily. You can never get used to it. You have to walk with it, then let it walk with you. You can neverbalk. It moves you like the tide. It takes you to the sea, then lays you on the beach again. Today's struggling pain is the foundation for a certain stride through the heavens. You can run from it, but you can never say no. It includes everyone...

sa dilim...

Sa akin ang dilim. Wala nang iba pang aangkin
Sa dilim kung saan ako'y maligaya
Sa dilim na ako ay ako, siya ay siya.

Sa akin ang dilim. Wala nang dapat ipangamba.
Sa pagkat sa dilim, ako'y di na nag-iisa.
Sapagkat sa dilim, ang ako at siya ay kami.

i didn't mean to make you cry

You know that. I don't have any reasons to do so. I love you so much.

I feel so bad now. i made you feel something that you do not deserve to feel. A person like you don't deserve to be treated this way.

Don't get me wrong. It's not that i am isolating myself. I do have problems that I have to face alone.

Don't blame yourself for things that are happening to me. All of these things, these are consequences of all my acts in the past.

I am me. You are you. And I love you.

You are one of the best things that happened to me. Always remember that.

nietzche is nietzsche, i am me

nietzsche gave the society about the concept of the superman- a person who overcomes the conventions and expectations of the society to live life as it should be.

now, i do hope i am a superman, a person who gives no concern about how others perceive me, a person who lives according to my own standards.

unfortunately, i am not... i still belong to this society. i am chained to it... i am at its scrutiny.

tulala pero maraming gagawin

bakasyon na ang utak ko. pero ang dami pang gagawin bago ko masabi na tapos na ang semestreng ito.

i have to finish a 30-page documentary script, 2 15-page essays and i have to study for an exam.

the seven wonders of the world

i was scanning through my old emails, trying to look for a file that i need. then something got my attention, an email that i wasn't able to read just because it is forwarded:

A group of students were asked to list what they thought were thepresent "Seven Wonders of the World." Though there were somedisagreements,the following received the most votes:
1. Egypt's Great Pyramids
2. Taj Mahal
3. Grand Canyon
4. Panama Canal
5. Empire State Building
6. St. Peter's Basilica
7. China's Great Wall

While gathering the votes, the teacher noted that one studenthad not finished her paper yet. So she asked the girl ifshe was having trouble with her list. The girl replied,"Yes, a little. I couldn't quite make up my mind because there were so many."The teacher said, "Well, tell us what you have, and maybe we can help."The girl hesitated, then read, "I think the'Seven Wonders of the World' are:

1. To See
2. To Hear
3. To Touch
4. To Taste
5. To Feel
6. To Laugh
7. And to Love."

The room was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop.The things we overlook as simple and ordinary and thatwe take for granted are truly wondrous!

A gentle reminder --that the most precious things in life cannot be built by hand or bought by man.

Well, it's true.Everyday, we struggle to aspire for things that we thought are the greatest, something that can complete us if we will achieve it. However, in the process, we tend to neglect and forget the things that really matter.

Take it from me. Been there. Done that. But lately, i just felt like appreciating small things that came along my way. These blessings may be small, but these add up to build lasting, happy memories.

masaya na malungkot

masaya ako pagkagising ko kasi katabi ko yung hanky na bigay sa akin ni RD. Ang sarap ng tulog ko

kaso, namimiss ko siya. sobra. honestly, i was expecting na makakasama ko siya the whole day kahapon. pero ganun talaga ang buhay. masaya anga bawat sandali na kasama ko si RD, at sino ba namang tao ang ayaw na maging masaya ng matagal diba?

malungkot din ako kasi nung maghiwalay kami kahapon e may nararamdaman siyang masama. kung pwede nga lang sana na ako na lang ang makaramdam ng sakit na nararamdaman niya. kagabi, hindi ko alam kung paano papagaanin ang pakiramdam niya. Gusto ko siyang yakapin, pero hindi ko alam kung paano. Nakakaguilty na imbis na nagpapahinga siya, sinamahan pa niya ako.

eto ako, malungkot na masaya... nagmamahal...