numb, weak, helpless.

those three words best described me the moment i was awaken by a a scream, followed by the sound of someonw who fell.

i recognized the voice so well. the voice that cared for me for the last twenty years.

"grandma!" i shouted. i shouted. i shouted some more. that was the only thing that i can do at the moment. soon, my mom and my siblings were there with me. and i guess, those same threew ords can be used to describe how they were at the moment.

those three words best described me the moment i saw the owner of the voice, way down the last step of the stairs. i never heard her that way before. she used to be strong. she has the voice of an authority, and yet that same voice is one of the most caring voice i have heard. now, the voice speaks well of pain, of helplessness, of asking for help, even though she says no words at all.

i just returned from the hospital. still, i can be best described by that three words.

i wanted to care for her just to show how much i appreciate her. but this is not the way i wanted to care for her. i can see her agony. and the pain. i cannot feel those, but my pain is greater. it is something that no tranquilizer of pain reliever can relieve.

the only things that kept me going are the thoughts of the people who love and care for me.