on omens and patterns...

recent events led me to be emotionally unstable, saying things out of what i am feeling at the surge of emotions.

i never expected something out of what i recently posted. it's just that i just want to let all my anxiety out of my chest. it's so hard to keep it inside.

i have grown tired of punching the walls, and throwing tantrums, and killing myself by working out as if there is no tomorrow.

but then, what i have posted made a sad impression to someone i love so dearly.

bigla tulog siyang napatanong kung napapasaya ba talaga niya ako...

nag online ulit ako, after we talked sa phone.

checked yung blog niya and i have read something that made me realize how foolish i am sa mga ginagawa ko...

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i believe
(sunshine bhe)

i have always believed in omens...
never in patterns...
patterns leave no room for hope; none too for happiness.
patterns leave you feeling so choked up and trapped.
i have always believed in omens...
never in patterns...
good omens give you hope, a chance for happiness.
bad omens give you challenge, as well as a sense of triumph in the end.
in the end you'll know you will always be the winner.
your cause will always prevail; if not, an epiphany will surely be there to set you free...

i know you have been forever imprisoned by patterns; dementing you, preventing you from being totally happy in life.
i pray to be your omen.
i pray to be the herald of that much needed epiphany in your life.

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i guess i am seing the world in the wrong point of view

it's not that i have never been happy in my life.

but as i have said, i have feared of being too happy, realizing what will follow, according to some patterns that i have observed.

i remember happy times. and i remember sad times too...

but then, i guess, for me to be really happy, i must outgrow the fears again.

and i must acknowledge the fact that this time, i am not alone.

that the statement above shows an omen...

and whatever it is, it will lead me to a road pointing to the land of happiness...